I’m changing this post because while the article I read today inspired this, it appears that a lot of information about the recent suicide of a trans woman was not accurate. Although she was harassed online, that doesn’t appear to be the reason for her suicide and I won’t post false information about that. So I’ve removed her name and the link to the article. But this doesn’t change the reality of online bullying. Telling someone to kill themselves when they are reaching out, is disgusting.
Being a person who has struggled with suicidal thoughts for much of my youth, and really up until this last year, I can understand the feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness. Part of what I’m doing with this blog, with my public speaking, my erotica writing, and so forth, is to show people how I went from feeling those negative emotions around myself, to feeling good and confident about who I am.
For much of my life I’ve felt the need to hide certain things about myself. Partly because I feared people would judge me for being kinky, or for believing in having more than one love in my life, or for being pansexual, or different in general. I struggled constantly with this stuff. Always felt like I was living a lie, not being myself. I knew that once I came out with all of this, that I would become a target, and with some, I have.
I know how hard it is to be public about who we are and I give props to anyone who does. Even my friends who support me in my venture, and others that say they agree with my beliefs, don’t share my posts. They read them, tell me privately they agree or support me, but they don’t share them. Many have said it’s because they are afraid of being attacked themselves, or worried that people will make assumptions about them.
Here’s what I feel…
We can support one another, love one another, have compassion for one another, without agreeing with each others’ choices or beliefs.
It does not matter what these beliefs are. Whether our sexuality, our religion, our political views, all that matters is our compassion for one another. We are all worthy of love, support, and of possessing hope.
While I find it disgusting that people told this woman to kill herself, I find those peoples’ lives to be even more sad. Their hatred and cruelty means that they have not experienced true love, compassion, or acceptance in their own lives. Because healthy, whole people, don’t need to hate or attack. They may be repulsed by behavior, or hold people accountable, but hate? I don’t think so.
I’ve studied emotions for many years now. I wanted to understand them because for so long I was emotionally shut down. What I discovered is that hatred derives from fear. So people with a great deal of hate, also live in a great amount of fear.
There is also something to be said for healthy emotions, as in being afraid to step in front of a moving vehicle, and unhealthy emotions, like having a fear that distorts your reality. There is a great book on this called, “Destructive Emotions: A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama” in which he and other leading experts discuss the difference between a healthy emotion and a destructive one. I highly recommend you read it, and discover for yourself the truth behind these claims.
This leads me to something a wise friend told me. He said, “Depression cannot exist when one is full of gratitude. They are opposites and cannot occupy the same space.”
I found him to be correct, and I believe the same holds true for hate and compassion. If having compassion is the highest form of love, and you fill yourself with that, then it becomes impossible to hate. Hold disgust for behaviors, yes, be horrified and shocked, yes, but hate (being at the root of destructive fear) cannot exist where true kindness and compassion for your fellow humans does.
I’m appalled that anyone reaching out with thoughts of suicide would be told to just kill themselves, and I wish I’d been on that forum that day to tell her she is worthy of living a full and wonderful life, without judgement. That she is worthy of being herself, and accepted wholly for who she is, to be supported and loved unconditionally. Also to tell those people being so cruel, that they too deserve to know what compassion is, so maybe they’ll learn. To tell them the truth… that their judgement and horrible statements didn’t show their power or their confidence, it showed how desperate and full of fear they were and are. It showed them as weak. Not strong.
We need to wake up, stop attacking one another, and learn how to be real. How to love. How to have compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters. We need to stand up for injustice and stop bullying. When we unite, we become powerful against abusers and haters. From that place of power and compassion, we can reach those in need. And by that, I also mean those who only know hate and fear.
I leave you all with this video/speech. It is from the movie, The Great Dictator. This is put to the music of Hans Zimmer, and has video footage of more current events, but I think it only adds to Charlie’s message.