I keep trying write about these last few days and I’ve restarted this post six times now. It’s not that it’s complex stuff to write. The problem is that I’m struggling putting words to something that impacted me so deeply.
My world stopped spinning and for a brief amount of time – three days to be exact – I existed in a state of bliss. A place outside of drama and judgment and stress, where my past had no power over me and current issues thrown at me were unable to break my bubble of joy.
I spent time with fabulous people. Men and women with integrity, maturity, and healthy communication skills. People that are open and know how to work with energy. People that are intelligent, thoughtful, and kind.
The exact kind of people that align with my function. That align with love.
These same few days have also included a fantastic time with D. I was on his floor again, squirming and coming and laughing as he took his belt to my delicate areas. As he made me feel his fist deep inside me and his cock in my mouth.
And these same few days I got to embrace myself fully, the Tantrica Goddess. The one made of fire and ash and blood. The fire that destroys, nourishes with ash, then creates again with blood. The destroyer and creator. I am all these things, and working with these amazing people has allowed more of this side of me to come through.
At first I felt outside of the Goddess fire (that I know is me), then I was inside the fire, and finally I became the fire.
So part of my constant restarting of this post is that this is hard to explain. Hard to put in the words that can make people understand how important these days have been for me. And how much I am *still* feeling these things. How three days are turning into every day.
The longer I go and more I heal, the less I feel fear. The more I feel bliss.
This post really needs to be about appreciation and gratitude. And this includes these feelings toward myself too. I’ve put a lot of hard work in and still grow all the time. I’m learning new ways of dealing with people. I’ve had three things that happened in a week’s time that would have triggered me in the past, and they didn’t! I’m at a place where I can see the people in my life on a deeper level because my old narrative around trust and the trauma filters I used to run everything through, have faded and been tossed out.
I have wonderful people in my life. People that want to grow and heal. People that can be honest and open with one another. That know vulnerability is a requirement for being whole and healthy, and don’t fear being vulnerable. Lovely people that I’m thankful for every day. And it’s not just this small group from the last few days. Currently, I’ve got some fantastic ‘chosen’ family and I am so thankful for all of you.
I now know that I deserve these amazing and wonderful people. We are aligned with love and joy and gratitude together, with intents to always grow and become more compassionate, to give and receive in the same steady flow, to shine our lights and encourage others shine theirs… and I’m overflowing with love for you all.
This may be a short post, but that’s all it really needs to be. Being grateful doesn’t take many words. It takes feeling. Action… And I show my gratitude by paying it forward and helping others as people have helped me.
Thank you for being in my life, for giving of your time and compassion, and for being so wonderful. ❤
**image by Manu Mohan on freeimages.com**