Recently I was staring at a picture of a fellow erotica author and found myself captivated by her. Maybe even a bit crushy and slightly obsessed. I mean, this girl is gorgeous! I love her hips, her big, innocent eyes, the way she carries herself like she’s young and full of wonder. I love her writing and her confidence. If I met her, I’d have a hard time not tripping over my words.
Yet there are still so many people in this world that would say she’s unattractive.
Her hair isn’t thick and lush, her nose isn’t skinny and perfectly angled, her breasts are likely a B cup, and she’s not thin. Her teeth aren’t aligned just right, nor are they the brightest white.
I’m sure she’s fully aware of these things. And I’m positive that even with all her confidence, she’s experienced a great deal of body shaming. It doesn’t seem to affect her, and I’m glad. Maybe she understands that far too many humans are inexcusable idiots, so dismisses them.
That is my hope.
This realization got me thinking about the lack of tolerance we still carry as a society. So later, when I logged into Pinterest and began a search on bondage, then BDSM, and submissive, I wasn’t surprised with what I found. Every picture was a model that looked no larger than a size 1. Despite the fact that most kinky women I know are much larger.
I had to wonder where all the other people were. The ones that weren’t perfectly sculpted and most likely photoshopped. Why is it that people find that sexy, but not larger folks? Or people with missing limbs? Or people with scars? The list really goes on.
No one escapes this vicious cycle of bullshit. We are all under the microscope when it comes to fitting the mold of ‘perfect’. We must have straight teeth. Big boobs. No gray hair as we age. A big penis. A small waist. A ripped stomach. And so on.
Oh, and we better not have any issues like cellulite or stretch marks! Or be too thin either! Then we get accused of being anorexic and disgustingly skinny. It’s all about the shame game, and we just can’t win.
Not if we play a game that has no potential for winning.
We live in an age where people get plastic surgery like it’s nothing. I hear ads on the radio constantly about laser hair removal and liposuction. It’s insanity! And for what? There will always be a part of us that we can look at and scrutinize. That needs to ‘be fixed’. If we take part in this kind of losing game, we will always lose.
Personally, I find bodies beautiful. My own included. Though this wasn’t always the case. I used to be quite hard on myself. But not anymore. I’m so tired of people tearing one another down rather than seeing the beauty within us all, that all I can repeat is the song above.
I’m covering my ears like a kid
When your words mean nothing, I go la la la
I’m turning up the volume when you speak
‘Cause if my heart can’t stop it,
I find a way to block it, I go
Na na, la la la la la na na na na na
I want to change this. I want to see this change happen not just in my lifetime, but soon. And we can do this! But only if we work at it. If we choose to take part in a different game where all participants win.
I propose a challenge.
Many of my author and artist friends are already doing this, but for those who aren’t or those who aren’t enough, let’s write, draw, photograph, paint, and sculpt all humans. We are all beautiful because of our uniqueness.
And now the fun part… Us artsy folks are only half the problem. The other half is the people unwilling to model because they’ve given in to this bullshit notion that they aren’t perfect and therefore, incapable of being a muse.
We are all perfectly imperfect.
So models and potential muses, listen up! No matter your scar tissue, disability, size, race, gender, illness… if we refuse to model and be muses for artsy folks, then we will continue to be underrepresented. It takes courage and vulnerability on all sides. We must be brave as well and be willing to be seen.
As with everything, the power to shift things is ours. We make the choice to support companies that only represent a small percentage of humans. If we scream for change then we must take part in that change.
Should any of my friends/readers choose to accept this challenge, then please send me links to your websites and works so that I may post those links on my site. I want to promote those who have the courage to step out and be bold.
*image by Katherine Evans on freeimages.com*