Today is a good day. My days have been bouncing between good, great, and mostly awful lately. But today is good and heading into great because I asked for something I needed… to be told to ‘get over it’.
This desire may seem strange to some, heartless even. When someone is struggling, the last thing most people want to hear is, “Get over it!” This is where I differ from many because this is a good thing for me to hear, and I know it. But only after I’ve had a chance to feel what needs feeling. Once I enter into a place of spinning, that’s when I need to hear it.
There’s been a lot going on in my life lately. Things that remind me of childhood, family experiences, and so forth, and it’s easy for me to spin on things I can’t do anything about. Which is what’s been happening.
Spinning means wasting energy. It means focusing on negative things I can’t change. This isn’t helpful… Especially when I have so much going on. As in, I’m almost ready to get the publishing company up and running, and I’m in the process of gathering transcripts and going back to school to become a sex therapist (this is a long process), and I’m planning some amazing writing workshops and taking part in new writing ventures. So many wonderful things are happening in my life and I really DON’T have time to waste on negative thinking.
So last night I asked D to tell me to get over it. Then I asked again today. I asked him to be firm in this demand. Normally I get to this on my own, but only after months of depression and suicidal thoughts and I certainly don’t have time for that! So I asked him and he gave me exactly what I needed.
He told me to get over it.
This had an interesting and delicious result. Not only did it instantly make me feel lighter and thus better, but it turned me on too! Almost instantly. I started squirming, feeling all the parts of me that had been shut down and inactive, suddenly waking up.
This led to some fantastic orgasms! So strong! And I coughed out (yes, this is a thing I do) all the ick I’d been holding onto that was making me sad and depressed. Now I feel great. I’m back to my happy, joyful, slutty self.
The me that I really want to be. (giggles)
It was so nice to let go and hear D’s words and come my brains out. Feeling all that stress in my body releasing through my orgasm. I used to need other things for this kind of release, but now coming works so well. I could feel him everywhere inside me, all my muscles tensing and releasing, and then the peace. The lovely, wonderful peace that comes with all that release.
My joy is back. Things are moving forward. My excitement has returned!
I know there are things that need dealing with still, and that’s okay. Facing those things with joy in my heart–knowing that a badass orgasm isn’t far away if I beg like a proper little slut–makes facing things not so overwhelming.
Here’s to working through trauma, finding joy, and coming our brains out! ❤