It’s been a while since I’ve blogged and part of that is because I’ve been so busy with events and book releases and articles and interviews and the fantastic storytelling I did at The Mystery Box Show that I haven’t had the time. So tonight, I’m making time!
Much has changed in these last few weeks. I’ve accepted a part of myself I was still in denial about and it’s made me so happy! Literally, I giggle every time I think about it. And it came at a time when I was terrified to go on stage due to the story I was sharing, and I’d recently been judged by a family member that read this blog and made assumptions, so embracing a part of me that led to more kinkiness and vulnerability was tough. But I did! Because we are who we are and I don’t believe shaming one another or ourselves is healthy. In fact, it’s hugely toxic.
Accepting this other part of myself was key in me feeling excited about going on stage. In fact, going on stage was—by far—the most exciting of my recent events. My love for being in front of an audience has certainly returned! I can’t wait to go back and tell another sexy story. And the excitement wouldn’t have been so strong had I not embraced that part of me the day before.
I’m so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life too. Some that drove hours to be supportive while I was on stage. Others lived in the area and attended for support. And I felt so loved and lucky to have people in the audience that were there for me. It’s strengthened my bonds with these folks.
Several weren’t able to make the show for reasons beyond their control, and even they sent me messages of support before I went on stage. They filled my heart with joy and the awareness that all was going to be okay despite my fear of sharing the story I was sharing.
I never knew so many wonderful people existed. I used to surround myself with people that judged. Belittled. Mocked. And bullied. But that’s changed. Now I mostly see good people that work on themselves daily and don’t ask permission to be who they are.
That last sentence is important. We don’t need permission to be who we are. We need only be who we are.
And that is what I do and continue to do.
Recently this had gotten harder. As a wave of misogyny and racism and hatred swept our nation, people I thought were friend turned out to be foe. People I thought would love and support me, turned out to be full of judgment and shaming instead. This was sad at first, but these people always felt this way. It’s just now they feel they have a license to spew their hatred.
But I want no part.
I am who I am. Part of me is a proud mamma bear. Part a loving wife to a phenomenal husband. Part a writer and storyteller. Part a public speaker. Part a publisher. Part an educator. Part a kinky submissive to an amazing, healing Dom. Part an exhibitionist. Part a sadistic Domme. Part the good friend that wants to make soup for my sick peeps. Part the dog lover that isn’t a hoarder! (inside joke…) Part the person that loves warming up in front of the fire. Part the person that loves putting fire on folks’ skin. And all of these things are me. There is far more to me, but these are some of who I am.
And those in my life love me for who I am.
There is no pretending. No facade.
So here I am, being me and loving the feeling of freedom and sheer joy that comes with that!
Here are some pictures of me on stage. Storytellers included Dirty Lola, Bri Pruett, Jason Rouse, Dan Savage, and me!