For most of my life, I’ve been told I’m too sensitive. That I need to toughen up. Get thicker skin. Not let things affect me so much… People always have an opinion on what I do and how I should do it. I’m now in my late thirties and there’s one thing I’ve learned, those people can fuck off.
I’ve been attacked a lot on social media lately and I have some thoughts to share…
It’s one thing to mentor someone and offer advice on how something can be worded better. I’m all for a clear and communicative narrative. And even the most intelligent of people still need occasional reminders that they aren’t communicating clearly. It happens.
But there are some people that aren’t trying to help my narrative. In fact, they aren’t trying to be clear and communicate at all. Nope. These folks are out for a fight.
Some want me to shut up. Others don’t want to be bothered by what I’m saying. Some are intent on hurting me. They don’t give a fuck if what they’re saying causes pain. They just want to alleviate their own mood by being a nasty person. They attack, belittle, project, and try to speak as though they possess intelligence—a thing that they wouldn’t need to do if they actually had any.
Sometimes these nasty types make me want to clam up and hide quietly in the corner so that no one attacks me or adds to the pile of shit already unfolding. Being attacked doesn’t feel good.
But I won’t hide.
Because I’ve gotten upset by these bullshit attempts to bait me, people think I’m being too sensitive or need thicker skin. But they don’t know me at all. Because if they did, they’d know that for years I received death threats over stuff I’ve posted, written about, and more. Death threats. I don’t intimidate easily.
I’ve also had people scream in my face more than I care to admit. It’s all those toxic types I used to keep around. They were terrible at that. And yet… here I am, becoming a therapist. Why? Because that shit doesn’t intimidate me. It simply means healthier boundaries are needed.
I don’t need to be less sensitive. That leads to narcissism.
I don’t need to have tougher skin. My skin is plenty thick.
What I do need is for people to know themselves a bit better than they do. This passive aggressive baiting in an attempt to start a fight with me so they can let off steam is bullshit. When someone is conscious and says to me, “Hey, I’m having a bad day full of ragey feelings. I need to yell and argue and get this out.” Then guess what? I’m there. Totally. Because again, I don’t intimidate easily. I’ve told people to scream in my face if it made them feel better (and they have). As long as I’m consenting to it, I’m good with it.
And it helps.
Sometimes we just need to yell. It releases tension and goodness knows our nation has a surplus of that right now.
But consent is the key.
When one of these dipshits tries to bait me or says shitty things to get me to blow up, I’ve not consented to that. I’m not okay with that.
This leaves me with two choices…
Stop being so public and stop speaking out or I give those types the finger and send them on their way.
Because the bottom line is this…
I speak out. I’m honest. I try to reach people and be a good, informed person.
But speaking out on topics that are important to our society are getting me responses of finger pointing. Blame. And the contempt that goes with that is disgusting.
It’s only today that I realized blame is about living in the past. And that’s not where I live. As I’ve posted before, everything costs us energy. If we dwell on the past and focus our energy on blame and finger pointing then we have wasted our energy because that behavior will never move us forward.
The only way to move forward is to focus on solutions.
We need solutions.
So no, I won’t be less sensitive. I don’t need a thicker skin. What I need is to be me and live in the now focusing on solutions. I don’t live in a black and white world. I live in a world of complexity and mostly shades of grey. And because of that, I often see solutions that others overlook.
I’m not sure what all the labeling and attempts to cause fights are about lately. It seems the passive aggressive, conversation derailing, attacking bullshit is at a high and it’s making me cringe.
I’m out of fucks to give for these jerks trying to bait me into a fight. I will waste no more energy on them. If someone doesn’t have something real to bring to the table, they will get tossed from the dinner party.