Focusing on my responses to others rather than their behavior has shifted a lot for me. It’s allowed me to be around people that I’d not have been comfortable with prior. I’d likely have had a panic attack in the past. Yet I haven’t. I’ve stayed in my place of calm instead.
Sticking to this method has also helped me in seeing that the things others assume, feel, or say aren’t about me. While I knew this to an extent, I’m really feeling it now. Rather than feel hurt by others, I’m feeling empathy for them instead. When I’m no longer seeing myself as their target–but instead, them as their unconscious target–I feel for them.
I know this is something we all have to learn. Everyone projects. It’s how we cope when we can’t face the truth about ourselves. We push it outward and assume others are doing what we’re doing (even if we’re in a state of denial about it). It’s a human condition.
Until we choose to leave it, that is.
Facing our own shortcomings isn’t easy. Understanding and embracing responsibility for our lives and where we’re at is rough. Necessary, but hard. But it’s doable.
I’m glad I’ve learned these lessons. Things that have been occurring would normally shut me down and I’d retreat. Hide, silo, withdraw and feel like a victim all while simultaneously assuming all was somehow my fault because people wouldn’t treat others like shit without a reason. Right…?
I’m so glad I’m past that nonsense!
Because of where I’m at, I’ve been able to stand taller and embrace myself on a deeper level. I’ve gotten back to my yoga practice. I’m not in constant physical pain. I have excitement and enthusiasm about things to come.
I’m also taking up the space I need to. I’ve been told this is me owning my woman’s estate. While this place wasn’t comfortable before, it’s becoming the only place I feel good, free, and present.
It’s getting easier to be in the moment. I’ve got no interest in dwelling in the past. And that includes yesterday.
This might seem strange but being in the moment has served me better than anything else when it comes to the PTSD because trauma and PTSD are all about living in the past. That’s what it is. Post traumatic stress disorder. The ‘post’ portion means I am no longer there. Yet for so long I felt trapped there.
That was an illusion though. I am here. In the now. So much so that writing this has been difficult because everything I write is about these last couple of weeks. It’s not easy to put myself there for the sake of writing about it. I’ve deleted at least ten versions of this now.
But this is something I want to say. This is important to me. Because I feel that if we can get to a place of being present and understanding that others issues are not about us, then we won’t fight so much. We won’t put one another down. Or assume or project. We won’t try to shame one another because we’d see that we are not others and what others do isn’t about us.
When we treat others poorly all that does is show others how we see ourselves.
As I was writing this, I was notified that someone posted a nasty comment on a Facebook post I’d made. The woman said my video would give her nightmares. I knew, of course, her response had nothing to do with me or the person in the video. It had everything to do with her.
I removed her comment as I don’t want that to occupy my space and I am posting the video above to illustrate what I’m saying. Where she saw something horrific, I saw beauty. Which says a lot about who she and I are.
Our responses are about us.
What do you see?