Today, I was looking at my calendar for next year and I realized I’m pretty happy with it. Usually, I look at my calendar and cringe. There are often things I commit to that I don’t want to take part in. They are things that I feel pressured to do—whether to further my career or because someone else really wants me to—and while that’s been okay in the past, I no longer wish to go down that path. The things on my calendar for 2018 are all things I want to be taking part in. Sure, I’ll be adding to it as the year goes on and I have a better understanding of my schedule with school and work, but I’m making a lot of changes in this next year. All things that will be putting my priorities and the things I enjoy first.
I used to think that putting my needs first was selfish, so I rarely did. Even if I was sick as fuck, I’d keep my commitments. If I was sad and not feeling like engaging, I’d still go to a friend’s house because I’d said I would. I thought to cancel or put my needs first made me ‘all about me’. But this was incorrect thinking and that type of thinking recently resulted in me having to explain what my priorities actually were—my health, kids/family, school/work, and on down the line. I was horrified that I needed to explain this, but as I looked back, I saw it was because I’d not put my health or personal needs as a priority above others’ needs in years’ past. And this is a massive problem…
I’ve been working toward doing the things I want this last year and I accomplished a great deal because of it, but I still allowed others to weigh in too often and that affected me poorly. Constructive opinions are fine, but guilt trips and telling me through passive-aggressive statements how I’ll fail or should be doing x rather than y weren’t okay. And I tolerated that too often. I ended up doing x rather than y–the thing I wanted most to do.
That ends now.
I’m going into 2018 with a healthy understanding of what I’d like to improve on. With excitement for the things on my calendar. And with the realization that I MATTER. My needs, wants, and desires matter.
It’s taken a long time for me to see just how little I’d put my needs as a priority. I’m looking forward to seeing what I can do and accomplish when I put myself first fully and only allow supportive people in my life.
In 2018, my need for improved health, career growth, and personal pleasure in everything I do will be a top priority. I will do all of this guilt-free because I deserve the same things I’ve been giving others my entire life. I vow to trust myself more and question myself less. To only surround myself with people that support, uplift, encourage, and add goodness to my life.
❤ I matter ❤
I wish you all the best in your 2018 endeavors as well!