In you I see, Someone special

What an amazing weekend this has been… For years now, I’ve been growing and changing, learning my bad habits and working to shift them, owning mistakes, and becoming a better me with each step along my growth path. But these last couple of weeks, I’ve been working on accepting things I’d been previously unwilling to admit to myself. Mostly, it’s had to do with beliefs about people–believing they’re good, even when they do terrible things–and I clung to those beliefs because it hurt too much to admit that the good was the story I’d told myself and not reality.

But that’s not my story anymore. I don’t need to see people–either currently in my life or historically in my life–as good just because of their position or claim to goodness. In fact, this is the easiest way for abusers to get away with their abuse. They tell you again and again how great they are, how much you should appreciate them because ‘they never had anyone do this for them’, they may even tell you that they’re proud of you, but the pride won’t come with support. And that makes the biggest difference.

When you’re actually proud of someone, you help them be the best person they can. You lift them up when they’re struggling. You don’t call them terrible names and attack them. They don’t compliment you and belittle in the same sentence.

I have some wonderful people in my life that show me everyday how proud they are of me. People that don’t just say my goal with SinCyr Publishing is amazing, they show it by offering to help. By giving their time and energy. By keeping me encouraged when rape culture feels like too much to combat.

Others show me they support me and believe in me by asking me to take part in important projects. Or by taking me out for a night of blissful fun. The key in all of these above is the ‘showing’. Their words aren’t empty. Far from it.

I’ve finally let go of some of the remaining trauma I had stored inside me. It was some of the hardest to let go as it wasn’t something I could face through fear ladders or exposure therapy. This kind of healing took acceptance of hard truths… that some people who were supposed to love me just didn’t. For whatever reason, they didn’t.

I’ve now left all that behind me and moved forward with a new me. The me that knows those I keep close now are the ones that show me they’re proud of me, that show they believe in me, that show they love me.

This weekend, I was reminded of two scenes from one of my favorite movies.

We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

Mr. Wonka: “Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted.” Charlie Bucket: “What happened?” Mr. Wonka: “He lived happily ever after.”

Today was the first day of my happily ever after. I’m making my own music of life. I’m dreaming new dreams, bigger and better dreams. I’m so grateful for the love in my life.

After such a fantastic weekend, I finally watched the music video to one of my favorite songs. I didn’t really think about why I liked the song or even understand the lyrics so fully until I saw the video tonight. It seems fitting to include it now. Lyrics are pasted below in case you can’t view it.

Lyrics:

Miracles
Coldplay, Big Sean

My father said never give up son
Just look how good Cassius become
Mohammed, Mahatma, and Nelson
Not scared to be strong
Now you could run and just say they’re right
No I’ll never be no one in my whole life
Or you could turn and see the way they’re wrong
And get to keep on dancing all life long
My father said never give up, son
Just look what Amelia and Joan done
Or Rosa, Teresa, the war won
Not scared to be strong
Now you could run and just say they’re right
No I’ll never be no one in my whole life
Or you could turn and see the way they’re wrong
And get to keep on dancing all life long
Yeah you could be
Someone special
You’ve got bright in your brains and
Lightning in your veins
You’ll go higher then they’ve ever gone
In you I see
Someone special
You’ve got fire in your eyes and
When you realize
You’ll go further then we’ve ever gone (look)
Just turn it on
I pay my intuition I couldn’t afford tuition
My funds was insufficient and it felt I’m in prison
Until I realized I had to set my mind free
I was trusting statistics more than I trust me
Get a degree, good job, 401k
But I’m trying to turn Ks to Ms what does it take?
And maybe I could be the new Ali of music, probably
Instead of doing it just as a hobby like these boys told me to
I guess you either watch the show or you’re showin’ proof
Prove it to them you prove it to yourself
But honestly its better if you do it for yourself
Never complacent ’til we hit the oasis
One life don’t waste it feel my heart races, success I taste it, I
We on the verge again and every single day that we deserve
Yeah you could be
Someone special
You’ve got fire in your eyes
I see heaven inside
You’ll go further then we’ve ever gone
In you I see
Someone special
You’ve got bright in your brains
You can break through those chains
You’ll go higher then we’ve ever gone
Just turn it on
In you I see
Someone special
Don’t go to war with yourself
Just turn, just turn, just turn it on
And you can’t go wrong

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About authorsienna

Author * Speaker * Blogger on sex, erotica, LGBTQ, BDSM, Dominance, submission, consent, and polyamory. Authors tales of dark desires and hidden fantasies.
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