Things are good. They have been. Like REALLY good. Yet I’m feeling this strange bit of dread right now. Odd, I know. But I’m still feeling it. The reason it’s so odd is that things ‘have’ been good. If things are going wrong, it’s easy to understand these uneasy feelings.
It could be that when I posted the image below on social media today, someone responded with passive aggressive statements on their own feed and it made me realize that not all these types have been weeded out yet. But is that enough to make me fill with dread? Not so much. It’s annoying at best. And an indicator that I have more house cleaning to do.
Maybe I feel uneasy because I’ve got such wonderful projects coming up that all mean so much to me and I’m in a bit of shock. Excited and terrified at the same time. All I can think is, “Pinch me already, because I’ve got to be dreaming!”
I’m not dreaming though. In fact, the only thing I did dream when I passed out on the couch earlier was how I was trying to toast bread in the fridge. Not because the fridge would toast it but because that’s where I kept the toaster. Naturally…
* shrugs *
Or maybe I’m feeling this way because it’s a good feeling inside me, just one I’m not used to so I’m confusing it with dread. I’m about to have something big happen in a personal way as well. Like, this weekend. Something I’ve wanted for a long time but wasn’t ready for. Nor did I fully understand my needs and wants because they were so wrapped up in shame. I’m once again reminded of Willy Wonka and the line about getting everything I ever wanted.
Of course, there’s always more to reach for and achieve because otherwise, what a waste of a life! But that doesn’t mean the things I’m getting right now don’t feel surreal. Because they do.
So I’m writing. It’s all I can do right now as everyone else is sleeping or um… occupied with nightly activities. And it’s sort of helping. I need to get to bed but I’m wide awake thinking about all the things. Feeling grateful as well and for so many reasons.
Now that I’ve gotten this out, I’ll sign off with this message below. ❤