This is my Life

success-846055_1920What is this life I’m living? Some days, I don’t recognize it. Living a life that is relatively stress-free (even when I have very stressful tasks to complete) isn’t something I thought possible. But I’ve shifted how I see challenges and things that would normally bring about stress. So these things that would have seriously stressed me out before now feel like a mere shrug of my shoulders and I think, “Meh, I’ll get it done…” Then I do.

A lot of big things have solidified for me lately. Both in regard to my childhood memories and in the things I’m currently doing. I find my psych class the most satisfying of all. I’ve learned so much already about how we process information, why we go down certain paths, about mental illnesses and personality disorders, and I’m now clear that this is the right field for me. Not that I had doubts, but now I know with my all of my being that I’m doing what I want and really need to be doing.

There are really so many positive things that have happened lately that I’m still spinning with excitement and anticipation. The publishing company is going well—though I have learned not to overlap anthologies even if I’m not editing one of them (good to learn these things!), school is going great and despite my hectic schedule and difficult classes, I’m still managing A’s, work is also going well… really the only place I’m suffering is finding as much time to blog and write fiction for myself. I’m still getting my paid writing done, but I miss my free writing. Regardless, I’m doing so well. Even my house is staying clean, which for those of you working lots of hours and having multiple things on your plates know, is fucking hard to accomplish!

I also realized recently that what I thought was a simple health issue is actually an autoimmune disease. Since I was diagnosed so many years ago, I’ll be getting retested just to be sure, but I never realized until a couple of months ago that so many of my symptoms—constant sickness, tiredness, and pain—come from this autoimmune issue. I don’t bring this up to be TMI, but I mention this because had I realized before I took on so much, I might have let that diagnosis limit me. But now I know I can accomplish these things regardless, so it’s not standing in my way.

I have more on my plate than ever in my life and yet I’m not depressed, not suicidal, not unhappy, I’m thriving and full of laughter and joy. And so much of that is due to me embracing who I am and letting go of control in areas where I don’t need to control.

This latter part feels hilarious to me because I’m so damn dominant. Stepping back and not trying to be in control of everything seems like the exact opposite of what a dominant person does. Yet, I have found that healthy dominant people know when they need to lead and know when they need to step back. Choosing where we place our control means that we don’t have to waste energy, and that’s made such a huge difference in my life.

There are still things I want to accomplish. Like getting better about exercise since that’s one area that I’ve found hard to allocate time to. And eating better, since I need to learn meals that are healthy for my body (and my family’s) because what is healthy for others isn’t always healthy for me. But other than that, I’m really on track with where I want to be.

Where I’m at reflected a lot at the last convention I attended. Not only did I approach people that I’d prior been too intimidated to approach (and the conversations were wonderful!), but I also got to attend a kink party. I literally came so much (and hard), and had so many endorphins running through me, that I ended up a drooling pile of pleasure on the floor. That was the first time I’d let go that much in a play space and it was so freeing!

I’m finding the balance that I was worried wouldn’t come. And I’m completely comfortable and happy with who I am. I’m living an amazing life even when there are ups and downs. I’m living a life that I wouldn’t be able to live without all my hard work to heal in both physical and mental/emotional ways. A good life is worth the work it takes to get there. Truly. WORTH THE WORK. 🙂

Posted in Lifestyle, My Journey, PTSD, SinCyr Publishing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Working It Release Day!

Everybody’s working it, grinding away at the nine to five, when all we really want to do is escape to take a hot tumble on the boss’s desk. Let this sexy collection whisk you away from the office and into sixteen stories that explore sex in the working world. Wink at that sexy security guard, get revved up for a conference tryst and let love break down the language barrier with a new co-worker. Will you succumb to the casual charm of your new client, tip over the edge for your warehouse trainee, or get a long-thought of revenge on the supervisor making your life hell? White collar. Blue collar. It doesn’t matter what collar you’re wearing once the shirts come off. Leave the office behind with Working It.

Authors AJ Fyler, CM Peters, Jean Roberta, KP, Sonni de Soto, Cyn Heaven, M. Marie, Annabeth Leong, Harley Easton, Sienna Saint-Cyr, Cela Winter, Terri Ley, Rebecca Chase, Heather Day, James S. Davie, Jordan Monroe.

Posted in SinCyr Publishing, Stories | Tagged , , , , , ,

More Alternative Truths: Stories from the Resistance – A Review

Screen Shot 2017-11-18 at 12.06.50 PMMany of us are fed up and angry with our current administration and the direction our president has gone. We’re losing the ground we’ve fought so hard to gain in regard to human rights and it’s a hard pill to swallow. Taking action can be hard and it might feel like our voices don’t matter in the sea of hatred. But for the authors and contributors of More Alternative Truths: Stories from the Resistance, using their voices is just what they’re doing. I’m absolutely in love with these heartfelt stories.

My favorites of the lot are K.G. Anderson’s, “The Right Man for the Job,” in which frustrated Democrats hold a séance in an attempt to find a solution to our Trump problem. It’s witty and fun! Another favorite was, “The Ten Commandments Renegotiated” by Jim Wright and Bobby Lee Featherston. Their story about Trump Moses had me rolling with laughter. I felt like I was standing before him, shaking my head, listening to him redefine the ten commandments. “Tweetstorm” by Manny Frishberg and Edd Vick was also fantastic. They’ve really got Trump’s voice down. I felt like I was reading his actual tweets.

There are so many wonderful stories in this anthology. I’m blown away by the talent of these authors. They were able to pull me in and give me a sense of relief after reading. If you’re part of the resistance, you’ll love this collection! If you haven’t jumped on board yet, this collection may just get you there!

More Alternative Truths: Stories from the Resistance includes stories by David Brin, Adam-Troy Castro, Esther Friesner, Manny Frishberg, Philip Brian Hall, Vonda N. McIntyre, John A. Pitts, Irene Radford, Mike Resnick, Elizabeth Ann Scarborough, Edd Vick, Jane Yolen, Jim Wright, K.G. Anderson, and more.

This is a popular series. Jim Wright’s essay from the first anthology (Alternative Truths), “President Trump, Gettysburg, November 19, 1863,” spawned a theater piece, now available as a YouTube video! 

I rarely give a five-star review, but this book is certainly getting one from me!

Posted in My Journey, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Polyamory 101 with Leyna M. Alexander M.ED.

Are you looking to open your relationship? Learn more about polyamory? Avoid common mistakes poly couples run into and learn how to make your communication even clearer at this wonderful workshop. I attended myself and even with all my years of experience, I still learned a lot. I highly recommend this event. Below is the announcement. ❤


Are you curious about polyamory? Are you already in a polyamorous relationship? Great! Join me in learning about polyamory and what it takes to have a loving, respectful relationship through communication and self-discovery.

Leyna M. Alexander has a Master’s in Education for Counseling from the University of Alaska Fairbanks. At the end of working towards her M.Ed., she discovered polyamory and BDSM and began to apply her research to her own life. Through the past six years, she has had many AFGO’s (Another Fucking Growth Opportunity) in how to create a strong foundation, rules, boundaries, and healthy communication in her relationships. From this experience, she created a workbook to help you discover and navigate polyamory.

Sunday, November 19 at 1 PM – 4 PM
Tickets available at Brown Paper Tickets
Olympia, WA (address supplied upon purchase)
If you can’t make this in person because of distance, Leyna will be opening online classes too. I’ll post something here when those become available.
Posted in Events and Classes | Tagged , , , ,

i see the rainbow in your tears

I had a long post written tonight about why we treat one another so poorly, but I couldn’t bring myself to post it. As with everything, it was too negatively focused. There is pain and suffering all around us, but there is goodness too.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if we started really seeing one another. If we could be present and paying attention all the time. How different would life be? Some I know are, and they are the happiest of everyone I know.

Being present is hard. But it’s worth it. I’m finding it difficult to not be present now. I think why it’s so hard is because we must deal with past pain and trauma so we can be present. If we don’t deal with our shit, we get stuck in it. We can’t be present when we’re stuck in a heaping pile of dung.

I can say though, it’s worth it to cry the tears that need to be cried. It’s worth it to be angry when we need to be angry. It’s worth it to feel our emotions as they arise and not suppress them. Suppression leads to disconnectedness. And disconnectedness leads to a lack of empathy and to the inability to really see one another.

Most of what I’d written about and deleted had to do with people lacking empathy: not seeing one another as human or equal.

It’s only recently that I’m truly seeing myself. When I wrote (a few posts back) about realizing I was repeating behaviors that weren’t healthy or productive, those same behaviors meant that in those areas, I wasn’t seeing myself clearly. Which also meant I couldn’t see others in those areas clearly. We can’t see what we aren’t open to. I had to work on myself in order to see myself and others.

We have to feel. We have to do the hard work. We have to hold ourselves accountable just as we do others. Only then can we be truly present. And only in a constant state of being present with one another, can we make things better overall. Empathy requires seeing one another and feeling each other’s pain.

Feeling is hard. Healing is hard. I know. But it’s also divine. In this time of darkness, we can show love by witnessing one another’s pain. We can have empathy. We can choose to see one another and listen twice as much as we speak. While this post has changed and therefore, shortened significantly, I much prefer pushing this message into the world. ❤

I leave you with these lyrics from the song Rainbow:

[Verse 1]
I know you, you’re a special one
Some see crazy where I see love
You fall so low but shoot so high
Big dreamers shoot for open sky
So much life in those open eyes
So much depth, you look for the light
But when your wounds open, you will cry
You’ll cry out now and you’ll question why

I can see a rainbow
In your tears as they fall on down
I can see your soul grow
Through the pain as they hit the ground
I can see a rainbow
In your tears as the sun comes out
As the sun comes out

[Verse 2]
I am here and I see your pain

Through the storms, through the clouds, the rain

I’m telling you, you cannot escape

You can do it, just feel baby

Posted in My Journey, PTSD | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

NaNoWriMo 2017

paper-1100254_1920This is a short post as all I’m doing is making it public that I’m taking part in NaNoWriMo this year. My tag is sienna78 for anyone that wants to add me. Because I’ve been so busy with school, work, SinCyr Publishing, and my paid articles, I’ve not had much time for fun writing. And that’s what I’ll be working on. I may not get the entire novel done, but this is more about committing to writing it.

It’s been three years since I’ve completed a novel. Yes, I write A LOT. But a novel is different. I’ve tried to write my story–a poly, kinky, story of healing and finding joy–and no matter how many times I start it, the story doesn’t do my real life story justice. So that’s going on the back burner (and will likely move back to nonfiction) and my current project that I’m super enthused about is a Young Adult lesbian romance. It’s going to be a sweet story. A first love story. But also one of self-discovery.

Happy writing to those taking part!

Posted in My Journey, Stories | 1 Comment

Fetish articles up!

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The words ‘passive-aggressive’ should tell us something about the nature of those actions. After all, aggressive is part of that. But how does this toxic behavior affect us in the BDSM community? has asked Sienna Saint-Cyr to share her thoughts. Read more on

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CBT & RACK – Just the title would send many men shuddering. Testicles are sensitive. Even as a woman, I know this. I remember the first time I kicked a boy in the balls on the playground for trying to kiss me. He never came near me again. The thought of intentionally inflicting pain to such a sensitive spot isn’t for the faint of heart. Read more on


Posted in Articles, Lifestyle | Tagged , , , , , , , , ,